Self care or Selfish- A mother’s dilemma

I’m sure you have seen the term self- care being used quite often at the moment. It seems to be something that many of us are obviously missing out on, to be reminded that we need it in our lives. I feel a pang of sadness that we now have to use a special term to remind each other that we need to look after ourselves.

I also feel as a mother, or just because of my nature, I’m not entirely sure, that there is a fuzzy line between self-care and selfish. A battle I face regularly when trying to establish whether what I am doing as ‘self care’ is actually having a negative impact on others.

This all come to mind after returning from one night away with my husband (the first in years), where our children didn’t come with us. We went to a spa and it was so important that we did go for our health (mental and physical) and for our relationship. It’s been tough few months. It was wonderful and I started to properly exhale and allow my shoulders to drop, something that doesn’t happen when I am being mum.

My wonderful mother was looking after the children and they had a lovely time with her, but I still felt guilt. Guilt that I wasn’t with them and that they would miss us terribly (they did a little but they were busy too). Guilt that I shouldn’t be leaving my children, as, we are their security, and I want them to always feel safe in the knowledge that we are there for them. Guilt because I can still tap in to that feeling I had when my parents ever went away (which was very rare!!) And.…guilt that I am working so much at the moment that when I have time, I should be spending it with them.

This got me thinking, that although the trip was self-care and necessary, perhaps I was now putting my needs above my children’s, and that’s something within me that just doesn’t sit right.

I know, and can totally see the value in parents feeling great and therefor being better parents, so it is inevitably a win-win. I also know that if one of us were with them, the guilt is not so strong. It’s in trying to switch off the instinctive ‘I should be there for my children at all times’ that I struggle with. I know I am not alone in feeling like this and wonder how others tackle the mum guilts?

How do you fair in the self- care/ selfish mind set? Do you suffer with the mum guilt’s or do you truly allow yourself to enjoy the moments when you get them? Or do you not even take those moments because you can’t or it doesn’t feel right?

‘Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud’ Maya Angelou

This week I am focusing mostly on mental health. Having been in the pits of despair with post natal depression I have a little insight into how one can go from feeling very much themselves, to utterly lost.
Lack of sleep, children pushing boundaries, babies getting sick, being responsible for others as well as yourselves can feel so overwhelming.
As your children get older we tend to think we should be finding it easier, but for some it isn’t.
Exercise can make such a big difference to helping you feel better, it was for me and I will be posting exercise suggestions soon.
If you feel that a friend of yours maybe isn’t quite themselves but might be too embarrassed to say they are struggling, how about doing a little something for them. Sending them a text, putting a card through their door ( or a little bar of dark chocolate) or offering to pick up their children from school. It doesn’t have to be huge, just a gesture that can boost those serotonin levels for them.
Be a rainbow.

Mood boosting exercise

Focusing on our mental health this week and ways in which we can help to feel better in our own heads.

Exercise and movement is a wonderful way for our brains to release those endorphins and give us a happy boost. When you are in the depths of feeling low, getting up and jumping on the trampoline probably isn’t the first thing you want to do. So why not start off with a walk, the mixture of fresh air, movement and a change of scenery can do wonders. 
Putting on your favourite music and dancing is also a fab mood booster, it is very hard to not feel happier when you dance. Lifting your gaze and opening up your body also helps. If things are getting a little too fraught in our house we often put on some music and have a little dance. The children love it too.

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