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Self care or Selfish- A mother’s dilemma
I’m sure you have seen the term self- care being used quite often at the moment. It seems to be something that many of us are obviously missing out on, to be reminded that we need it in our lives. I feel a pang of sadness that we now have to use a special term to remind each other that we need to look after ourselves.
I also feel as a mother, or just because of my nature, I’m not entirely sure, that there is a fuzzy line between self-care and selfish. A battle I face regularly when trying to establish whether what I am doing as ‘self care’ is actually having a negative impact on others.
This all come to mind after returning from one night away with my husband (the first in years), where our children didn’t come with us. We went to a spa and it was so important that we did go for our health (mental and physical) and for our relationship. It’s been tough few months. It was wonderful and I started to properly exhale and allow my shoulders to drop, something that doesn’t happen when I am being mum.
My wonderful mother was looking after the children and they had a lovely time with her, but I still felt guilt. Guilt that I wasn’t with them and that they would miss us terribly (they did a little but they were busy too). Guilt that I shouldn’t be leaving my children, as, we are their security, and I want them to always feel safe in the knowledge that we are there for them. Guilt because I can still tap in to that feeling I had when my parents ever went away (which was very rare!!) And.…guilt that I am working so much at the moment that when I have time, I should be spending it with them.
This got me thinking, that although the trip was self-care and necessary, perhaps I was now putting my needs above my children’s, and that’s something within me that just doesn’t sit right.
I know, and can totally see the value in parents feeling great and therefor being better parents, so it is inevitably a win-win. I also know that if one of us were with them, the guilt is not so strong. It’s in trying to switch off the instinctive ‘I should be there for my children at all times’ that I struggle with. I know I am not alone in feeling like this and wonder how others tackle the mum guilts?
How do you fair in the self- care/ selfish mind set? Do you suffer with the mum guilt’s or do you truly allow yourself to enjoy the moments when you get them? Or do you not even take those moments because you can’t or it doesn’t feel right?
‘Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud’ Maya Angelou
This week I am focusing mostly on mental health. Having been in the pits of despair with post natal depression I have a little insight into how one can go from feeling very much themselves, to utterly lost.
Lack of sleep, children pushing boundaries, babies getting sick, being responsible for others as well as yourselves can feel so overwhelming.
As your children get older we tend to think we should be finding it easier, but for some it isn’t.
Exercise can make such a big difference to helping you feel better, it was for me and I will be posting exercise suggestions soon.
If you feel that a friend of yours maybe isn’t quite themselves but might be too embarrassed to say they are struggling, how about doing a little something for them. Sending them a text, putting a card through their door ( or a little bar of dark chocolate) or offering to pick up their children from school. It doesn’t have to be huge, just a gesture that can boost those serotonin levels for them.
Be a rainbow.
Mood boosting exercise
Focusing on our mental health this week and ways in which we can help to feel better in our own heads.
Exercise and movement is a wonderful way for our brains to release those endorphins and give us a happy boost. When you are in the depths of feeling low, getting up and jumping on the trampoline probably isn’t the first thing you want to do. So why not start off with a walk, the mixture of fresh air, movement and a change of scenery can do wonders.
Putting on your favourite music and dancing is also a fab mood booster, it is very hard to not feel happier when you dance. Lifting your gaze and opening up your body also helps. If things are getting a little too fraught in our house we often put on some music and have a little dance. The children love it too.
Trampolining is also super fun, although your pelvic floor needs to be strong and functioning well for you to do this. ( get in touch if you feel you could do with some help here).
I can’t help but smile when on the trampoline, i’m not sure whether it’s the motion or the fact I am taken back to feeling like a care free child!
Whatever way you like to move, choose that. The biggest hurdle is taking that first step and once you have, you will be so pleased you did.
🤔The price of our Health.
Is your pelvic floor hypertonic?
👂We hear so much about Pelvic Floor strength programmes and how important it is not to have a weak pelvic floor, but did you know a hypertonic pelvic floor can also cause problems! It is very common in many women and perhaps comes from lifestyles that simply don’t allow us much time to ‘let go’ any more.
🤔 Many of the symptoms can be that of a weak pelvic floor, so if you are suffering, or you know things aren’t right your first port of call should be to see a Women’s Health Physio. Then a down training programme should be followed.
👆 Here are two wonderful stretches that help to open up the pelvis and you are encouraged to ‘let go’ in these positions. Give them a try. 😀
🌷The Menopause show
Did any of you catch this on Monday evening? I have only watched half of it so far and for me, having qualified as a 3rd age coach, it has merely touched the surface of the topic.
🙋♀️ It’s a good thing that it’s being talked about, as it does seem to be something that women don’t talk about, or feel embarrassed about.
It is merely the shifting of hormones, in reverse to puberty, and it will happen to each of us, so there is no reason to feel shame about it.
Something that isn’t so widely known is that the peri-menopause can begin up to 10 years prior to you having the menopause. So for myself and many of my friends that could be happening now. Some can experience changes in your cycle, low mood, anxiety, trouble sleeping and a few others. BUT it is not all bad, there is much we can do to help with symptoms and I will be posting more about this in the coming months.
💕Looking at the positives, It is a time where women really know themselves, understand the value in spending time doing more of what they love, have life experience to share with others and are generally living life!!
I saw someone talk about getting older the other day, but they didn’t use the term getting older but getting bolder. I thought this was wonderful, and I am very much looking forward to getting bolder!!
Is your body telling you to unplug?
How was your post natal after care?
Another delightful shot of me preggers with my first. I was one of those lucky ones whose face expanded at the same rate as my belly….not my ankles though, so go figure!!
Many women suffer years after their children are born from aches and pains that may be easily fixed. It could be a weak mid line that hasn’t been rehabilitated, a weak pelvic floor or a c- section scar that is causing stuck tissue and creating a pull on other areas in their bodies.
What do you wish you had known about moving after having your baby? Did you get any information on when and how to move again? Any tips on what do to for your pelvic floor? Do you feel like your body ever fully recovered?
Do you think any of your aches and pains could be connected?
COVID 19- What a strange time!
Does anyone else feel a little like they are holding on for dear life? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What a strange time. The unknown, the worry about others. The inability to switch off from it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What I am finding helps me (the over thinker) :⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
• Exercise. Any type. Just moving helps me become much more present in my body and shift from the ‘what ifs’. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
•Eating colourful food. My instinct is to eat ALL the chocolate but this normally then makes me feel worse. So I am trying super hard to get in nourishing food. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
•Chatting to friends/family on WhatsApp/ social media. In fact it’s been lovely chatting to everyone more regularly. I hope this continues after the virus passes. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
•Getting outside more. Not to do chores or jobs but just to be outside with nature. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
•Knitting! I’m no knitter but I find it so good for my mind. The process of doing something with my hands and you get something out of it too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
•Breathing. This is something I teach a lot in all my classes and I am really trying to include this in my day to soothe my nervous system. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
More than ever this moment highlights the value of our health. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Stay well and keep moving folks. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀